24個證明媽媽們其實都活在平行宇宙的「有苦說不出可憐新手媽媽故事」

1. 「早上出門前,我把兒子抱到車上的嬰兒安全座椅的時候,發現我忘記穿褲了…」   2. 「有一次跟老公視訊的時候,聊到兒子,但我累了突然忘記兒子的名字,只能急忙地比手畫腳一番…」 廣告1   3. 「有一次半夜我要起床去上廁所的時候,發現下半身

April 21, 2016
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1. 「早上出門前,我把兒子抱到車上的嬰兒安全座椅的時候,發現我忘記穿褲了…」

"I walked out to my car and strapped my son into his car seat before I realized that I didn't have pants on."

 

2. 「有一次跟老公視訊的時候,聊到兒子,但我累了突然忘記兒子的名字,只能急忙地比手畫腳一番…」

"I was so tired I forgot our son's name. I gestured to the monitor and asked my husband, 'How's what's-his-face doing?'"
廣告1

 

3. 「有一次半夜我要起床去上廁所的時候,發現下半身褲子脫掉了,還濕濕的,結果原來是我在沙發上睡著,然後夢到我在馬桶上,所以不小心尿了出來….」

"I just added that to the list of bodily fluids I had to clean up that night."

 

4. 「有一次,我不知道哪根筋不對,一直按汽車鑰匙上的按鍵 想要開家裡的大門。」

27 Weirdly Hilarious Things Sleep-Deprived Moms Have Done
廣告2

 

5. 「有一次半夢半醒間,我以為寶寶要掉下床了,所以我趕緊抓住他的跨下,結果眼睛張開時,發現那是我老公…」

"I grabbed my husband's crotch — HARD — as he was rolling over because I thought he was the baby about to roll out of bed."
廣告3

 

6. 「有一次睡到一半的時候,我好像聽到寶寶在哭,所以我就晃晃手臂,想要安撫懷裡的寶寶,結果感覺好像哪裡怪怪的…才發現寶寶不在我懷裡啊,然後我家的貓看著我,一副我在發瘋的表情….」

"I passed out on the couch, then..."

 

7. 「有一次寶寶半夜哭醒,我還以為是有人在按門鈴,趕快跑去應門。」

27 Weirdly Hilarious Things Sleep-Deprived Moms Have Done
 
上帝,幫幫我!

 

8. 「有一次我摺完衣服後,才發現那些是我要拿去洗衣機洗的髒衣服…」

"I folded an entire basket of dirty laundry."

 

9. 「在我當媽媽的第一個月,我常常傳訊息給我老公,問他現在在哪,傳完才發現,他就躺在我隔壁…」

"During my first month as a new mom I texted my husband (who was in bed next to me) to ask him where he was."
 
我需要午休啊

 

10. 「有一次,我拿著奶瓶想要餵我家的狗狗喝奶,但他不要,我就很生氣地直接塞進他嘴裡,5秒鐘後,我才發現,他不是我兒子…」

"I filled a sippy with milk and handed it to the dog. When he didn't take it I got annoyed and said, 'Well? Here you go!' It took me a full five seconds to realize he wasn't the 2-year-old."

 

11. 「有一天,我和家人在客廳看電視,突然我意識到,沒有人在抱著寶寶,我尖叫喊:『寶寶呢?』然後我老公轉過來看著我說:『親愛的,妳在餵她喝奶呀…』」

27 Weirdly Hilarious Things Sleep-Deprived Moms Have Done

 

12. 「我出門以後,才發現我哺乳專用的胸罩沒有穿好,還垂在肚子上…」

"I left the house with my nursing bra on both sides flopped down."
 
無時無刻都累掛…

 

13. 「有一次,我把上衣胸罩一撩,就在客廳裡餵奶,突然有人按門鈴,我就馬上跑去應門,只見送包裹的人一臉驚訝,然後一直不敢看我…但我是一直到幾個小時後才發現這件事…」

27 Weirdly Hilarious Things Sleep-Deprived Moms Have Done

 

14. 「某天半夜,我開著車要去藥局買東西,在路上看到紅燈後我停了下來,等著等著,心想這紅燈也太久了吧,後來我才發現那不是紅燈,是禁停標誌….我那時對著一個按我喇叭的車主罵三字經….」

"After a long night I had to run to the drug store. I sat at a red light for what seemed like forever — I even swore at a car that honked at me — until I realized it wasn't a red light. It was a stop sign."

 

15. 「某天半夜,我幫女兒換尿布,但換完之後,我才發現,我把她身上那件剛穿沒多久的新尿布拿下來,把舊的髒尿布換上去…」

"In the middle of the night I tried to change my daughter, but ended up putting a clean diaper on over the dirty one."
廣告4

 

16. 「有天早上,我開車趕上班的時候,才發現…糗大了…」

"I had to go a whole day at work like this:"

 

17. 「當我生下老二的時候,老大還不到兩歲。有一次晚上我經過廚房的時候,聽到了打呼聲,走進去一看,才發現我的女兒坐在兒通餐椅、睡在義大利麵上…我忘了把她抱去睡覺。」

27 Weirdly Hilarious Things Sleep-Deprived Moms Have Done

 

18. 「某天,我要睡覺的時候,勉強撐起身體,拆下耳環、把妝卸掉…結果隔天醒來才發現,我把用過的卸妝棉放在珠寶盒裡,然後把耳環當垃圾丟掉了…」

27 Weirdly Hilarious Things Sleep-Deprived Moms Have Done

 

19. 「有天,我喝了2口咖啡,才發現今天的咖啡怎麼跟平常不一樣?…原來我忘記加咖啡粉,根本只是在喝熱水而已…」

"I made coffee without any coffee grinds. It wasn't until the second sip that I realized I was just drinking hot water."
廣告

 

20. 「有一次我洗完澡後,試著要穿內衣,但我一直穿不上去,讓我煩到哭了出來,後來才發現那根本不是內衣,是尿布….」

"I once tried to put on a pull-up instead of underwear after showering. Then I cried when I couldn't get it on."

 

21. 「有一次,我走向我老公,很順手地把奶嘴塞進他嘴裡…」

27 Weirdly Hilarious Things Sleep-Deprived Moms Have Done

 

22. 「剛生完小孩從醫院回到家的那幾天,有一次我實在是太餓了,決定來做個鬆餅,結果我發現我把洗碗精錯當糖漿了….」

"I'd been up two days after coming home from the hospital and realized that I hadn't eaten, so I made frozen waffles — and poured dish soap on them instead of syrup."

 

23. 「有一次,家裡請人來維修網路,結果他要離開的時候,我上前給他一個大大的擁抱,就像我對其他朋友一樣,他看我的表情好像是在看瘋子一樣。」

"I tried to hug the guy who came to set up our internet as he was leaving. I was so tired and used to hugging visitors when they left. He looked at me like I was nuts."

 

24. 「有一次去超市買完東西後,我推著購物車來到停車場,我一手把寶寶抱到汽車安全座椅上,接著就開著車回家了…完全忘記購物車裡的東西…」

"I finished a full grocery shopping trip, then fastened the baby into her car seat and drove away — leaving all of the groceries in the cart in the parking lot."
廣告

每個媽媽真的都有過人之處啊!

參考資料:Buzzfeed
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